


The Harpies & Aristaeus

by ArrowheadProductions



Series: Just Demigod Things [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Aka his usual state of being, Annabeth is a badass, Canon Compliant, Confused Percy Jackson, Embarrassment, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Humor, Idiots, Literally Poor Percy, Loss of Virginity, Missing Scene, No Smut, POV Percy, Post stable scene, Romance, Sexual Humor, Suggestive Themes, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, The Mark of Athena, The Talk, Virginity, but not really, but you knew that, team meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 21:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14434680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrowheadProductions/pseuds/ArrowheadProductions
Summary: After the stable scene, Coach Hedge subjects the seven to an unexpected lesson that is somehow more awkward than it sounds.





	The Harpies & Aristaeus

If you were ever curious how to piss off an over-enthusiastic, bat-wielding satyr, I could provide you with a proper step-by-step. It really isn’t that hard for someone of my expertise, because evidently, I am incredibly gifted in the art of frustrating people. Annabeth will vouch for this since she’s made a point of letting me know for the past 6 years. Any of my foes of past and present could probably give a similar reference, but with more bias to their reasoning. 

Anyway, back to satyrs that are taking their chaperoning job **way** too seriously:

         Step 1: Sneak out after curfew at the beck and call of your beautiful/amazing girlfriend.

         Step 2: Fall asleep.

         Step 3: Get caught sleeping beside your beautiful/amazing girlfriend.

So now, thanks to the biggest misunderstanding in modern history (I’m sure Annabeth would normally have a tragic Greek tale about a grander example of miscommunication, but I doubt she’d dispute me now), we’re grounded. I haven’t been grounded in forever. To be fair, I’d been missing for a while and just before that I was kind of thrust into almost dying in the second Titan War, but I’m a good kid regardless.

I don’t regret spending the time with Annabeth, because it’d been forever since we’ve had a moment alone. My heart pattered when I thought about how she didn’t scare when I mentioned the idea of New Rome. It upgraded to full-scale pounding when I pictured the way she’d kissed me shortly after and how it still made me feel like I was floating.

Frank found and alerted the media, because apparently everyone was pretty worked up over the idea of losing us. I mean, I do have a record of going missing and losing my memory now so I can’t say I blame them for the concern. Their tunes completely changed when they saw us sprawled across the clear door cuddling. Frank seemed pretty embarrassed, which probably would have been closer to my response too if I walked in on Hazel and him like that. Piper smiled like a Cheshire cat for reasons beyond me. Whatever it was, it made Annabeth super uncomfortable whenever she looked at her pointedly. Jason seemed pretty indifferent, if not relieved he wasn’t in my shoes. Leo was relentless as if a day ago I hadn’t almost attacked him when I thought he set the canons off on Camp Jupiter.

Coach Hedge was as scary as I’d feared, but I wouldn’t say that to Annabeth. I don’t think I needed to, because she rolled her eyes when she looked over at me while we were chastised. There wasn’t much heat in it though, which told me that maybe she didn’t regret getting caught either. You could tell she’d been through a lot, too much, in these past 6 months. She barely even hesitated as he laid into us with threats of contacting our parents. While I half-expected Athena to storm our ship, scoop me up, hang me, and turn me into a flag, I was more afraid of the idea of Coach Hedge calling my mom. My mom has made it really clear that she does not want any grandbabies yet.

* * *

 

I thought we were safe from humiliating punishment until that night, Coach called for a group meeting. Leo said we’d never actually done that before on Argo II, so I knew something was up. It had just been an incredibly long day of near-death experiences so the fact that Annabeth and I dozed off was so far from my brain. As she laced her hands through mine while we walked from the lower cabin to the upper deck, it seemed to be far from her mind too. 

It should have tipped me off that everyone was sitting towards Coach like he was performing a one-man show. Gods, I would imagine his singing voice would be on par with Chuck Norris and Dog the Bounty Hunter, just like the rest of his personality.

He set down a whiteboard on an easel and I could tell Annabeth was immediately cued in. My girlfriend is such a Brainiac and while ADHD like the rest of the demigods, her attentions were always easily grasped through organized visual aid, especially when it was educational. She looked cute when she was learning. She looked cute all of the time, because duh, it’s Annabeth, but her eyes get super focused and she leans forward a bit, occasionally nibbling on her lip.

I, on the other hand, am not taken with graphs or statistics the way I am with her. Whenever she feels the need to recite whatever he said, I’ll listen much more carefully from her. She must have felt my gaze, because I’m being far from discrete. Being away from her for all of that time, even if it was really only a few weeks for me, made me want to capture every detail of her and force myself to save it in safe keeping.

I thought she was going to smack me for zoning out so badly, but her face goes a little dumbfounded at whatever Coach is preaching and then her gray eyes flash to me in… Horror? Oh Gods, what did I miss?

She gently reaches out and turns my head to face the very red and very sweaty Coach Hedge, who looks the opposite of happy at me (or someone directly behind me). It takes me up until that moment to see everyone else is looking at me too, except they seem mad too, which is weird.

“Jackson!” He hollered and that brings me back to reality at a crashing rate.

* * *

 

It’s probably useless to say I was listening and play along.

“I was listening.” Stupid.     

His nostrils flared. “Tell me what I just said.”

I had one of those typical Percy Jackson moments. You know, the ones that make everyone around me gasp at my superior intellect and amazing capability of remaining hyper aware at all costs. 

“Uh… Duh…?”

“Smooth.” Annabeth muttered.

“That’s what I thought.” He barked. “If you don’t get your head out of your bungle hole right now, I’m going to tie you to your mattress, so you can’t have another infraction like last night’s ever again.”

“Why don’t you leave that to Annabeth?” Leo snickered cheekily.

I felt my face turning hot while Annabeth gave Leo one of her trademark glares that sent him sliding into his seat to avoid her gaze. Coach didn’t seem impressed by the comment either, because he hovered over Leo and resembled an exploding bottle of ketchup.

“I would hold my tongue if I were you, Valdez. This talk is for all of you little horn-balls. I should expect this from the child of Aphrodite-”

“-Hey!” Piper said indignantly.

He powered on. “But since Annabeth Chase has been dirtied up, it can likely happen to any of you. So, that’s why we need to take a moment from all of this world-ending business and move onto a different kind of life-or-death.”

The glare he sent me when he said “dirtied up” made me want to sleep with my eyes open tonight. Or you know, forever.

“I have not been _dirtied_ up!” Annabeth snapped. I admired her bravery, but we’d already gone in circles about how nothing even happened, and no one believed us. At this point, Coach Hedge was going to trust a son of Hermes not-guilty plea of pick-pocketing over us.       

“Oh really, I know your mother wouldn’t be pleased about your recent deeds.”    

“We didn’t-”

“-Save it!”

I could feel myself sweating and could practically hear my own heartbeat in my ears. The implication behind all of this was uncomfortable at best, even if we had been innocent. It was no secret that Annabeth was born from Athena, who was one of the Maiden Goddesses. In other words, she never _biologically_ produced kids. While Aphrodite was definitely sex-positive when it came to her children, Athena was… Not. She saw more important values than love like battle strategies or instilling constant fear into her daughter’s boyfriend. 

* * *

 

“Anyway, it’s time that I have a little talk with you kids. Nobody else seems to have so it’s up to me.”

Everyone around me got super pale and started stammering in disagreement. Me? I was just confused and trying to hide it. I mean, I can’t say I _enjoy_ long conversations with Coach Hedge, but this had to be better than having to sleep outside in the rain or sharing a room with him, right?  

“Why should we have to sit through this?” Frank stumbled over his words and wouldn’t look at Hazel.

“Because I am becoming very aware that you folks seem to think this is a romantic couple’s cruise and I will be having none of it.”

“I am not part of a couple.” Leo pointed out.

“Yeah, but don’t think I haven’t noticed the goo-goo eyes you’ve been making at Miss Levesque here.”

Gods, it looked like Frank was wishing his eyes were snipers by the way he was glaring at Leo. Leo seemed very aware of this and once again sunk down in his seat in an ill attempt to become less of a target. His rescue came in the form of Hazel placing a hand on Frank’s bicep. He looked down at her and calmed down almost immediately. I’m usually the last guy to notice this kind of thing, but maybe being in love has sort of made me more attune to other people in love.

“This ship will not become the playboy mansion!” Coach emphasized this point by referring to a poster with the word “sex” scratched over with red slashes. “So, in order to stop this, I’m going to give you the talk my old man gave me: The Harpies and Aristaeus.”

“So, looking at ugly harpies made you swear off sex?”

Everyone groaned. I bet some of them were wishing they’d never picked me up in the first place, because I was still lost. Coach Hedge looked like he was about 3 seconds from chucking his clipboard at me.

Annabeth smacked my shoulder and was glaring at me with that “can you be more stupid” look in her stormy eyes. A deep blush clung to her cheeks and the back of her neck and if she didn’t already look mad enough to throw me overboard, I might have commented on how cute it was.

Still, she clarified. “Aristaeus is a minor God that is a protector of many arts, Percy. A big one is bee-keeping."

"How is bee-keeping an art?" 

Thunder rolled in the distance.

"Sorry." I murmured and tried to put the pieces together.

The bee keeper? That still sounded lame. And what did that have to do with harpies?

         _The harpies and the bee keeper._

_The ugly bird people and the bees._

_The birds and the- oh crap._

Needless to say, I felt dread. Like, titan-fighting dread. I couldn’t bring myself to look anywhere near Annabeth’s direction as it dawned on me. My sense of panic must have translated to the outside, because Coach seemed much smugger than he had been earlier. My tongue seemed to swell in my mouth and my face definitely invented its own shade of magenta for the occasion.  Everyone else looked pretty stiff too, but it was hard to believe anyone could be more awkward than me about this kind of thing.

“I had that talk with my mom… A while ago.” I tried, and it was true. It was painful then, but something told me hearing it from a big and loud half-goat with my girlfriend right beside me was going to be infinitely worse.

“Well, if you’re such an expert, you’re going to point out and name every part of the female reproduction system.”

Right then, I wished that maybe, just maybe, Gaia would rise early so I wouldn’t have to live through this. Wow, super selfish and absorbed, I know, but you have to understand that this is basically akin to slow and brutal torture. And I have been tortured before. 

* * *

 

Gaia is spiteful and probably saw this as a lovely little way to prolong suffering.

The diagrams were awful and graphic. Coach wasn’t exactly a stand-up comedian, so he wasn’t joking about me having to point out and name every part of the female anatomy. I was wrong about almost all of it, but I couldn’t give the legitimate terms for the parts of the male anatomy either, I swear.

“Is this thing upside down?” I asked at one point.

“Poor Annabeth.” Murmured Piper to Jason, who looked just as dumbstruck and confused as me. Annabeth had her head in her hands out of pure mortification and I was wondering if the entire purpose of this exercise was to embarrass me so much that my girlfriend would never want to so much as touch me ever again, let alone do anything resembling sex.

“Poor Annabeth, indeed.” Coach Hedge agreed after shouting at me for getting the term “clitoris” wrong for the third (or was it fourth?) time.

“Why does Annabeth even need to know this? Doesn’t she just have brain babies like Athena? I mean… _Can_ she have kids the normal way?” Leo asked.

She scowled. “I can’t have brain children and even if I could, it would require an impossibly strong connection of intelligence.”      

Everyone simultaneously turned back to me and Jason clicked his tongue. “Yeah, I guess that’s out of the question.”

“Hey!” I protested.

* * *

 

Consent was talked about, which shouldn’t have surprised me considering how many gross people live in the world. I guess I was just surprised that any sane person would be able to sleep at night knowing they’d just totally broken someone’s trust in mankind in such a violating way.

“NO MEANS NO!” He yelled over and over again. “MAYBE MEANS NO! MAYBE NOT MEANS NO! YES IS YES AND THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT.”

But it wasn’t, because he started grilling us on situations where consent was properly given. I passed this was flying colors, because honestly, I’m the kind of person that usually needs intense verification to do much of anything. You saw how long it took for me to admit I liked Annabeth. I know I am not always good with subtleties.

I glanced over at her, who also didn’t seem the least bit worried about this part. I gently took her hand and hoped that it reminded her that I would never hurt her.

* * *

Coach went on to explain protection, which seemed like it would be the most mild portion of this TED talk, but when he handed all of us bananas and condoms, I knew it was going to be bad.

“This seems excessive.” Hazel laughed nervously, which made sense since she’s not exactly from a time where even talking about this stuff is the norm. I can’t say I was too comfortable either. Plus, I was pretty perturbed about the fact that while everyone else had a full-sized banana, Annabeth had been given half of a carrot.

“I ran out of bananas.” Coach tried to justify but wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Sure.” I grumbled.

“If you don’t know how to put on a condom, you will die.”

 Piper smirked. “Nice _Mean Girls_ reference.”

We spent the next half hour explaining _Mean Girls_ to him while simultaneously trying to take this fun little meeting off the rails. It worked a little bit and Coach even seemed to enjoy some of the smart remarks made in the movie, but he’d apparently drank a lot of persistence juice before calling us together so he was not being shaken from his original purpose.      

It turned into a contest at who could put it on the quickest and the most secure. Annabeth was the first to accomplish this feat, but again, she had the smallest and most slender object to work with. I didn’t do as badly as Leo or Frank, who kept dropping the banana. 

“It’s not really staying on.” Annabeth murmured and wouldn’t look at me.

Leo snickered. “Poor Annabeth again.”

This time, she thumped him upside the head and I would be remiss to say I didn’t support the reaction.

“Valdez, I’d hold your judgment since you can’t even seem to finish.”

I laughed this time.

* * *

 

Coach realized we were all having a little too much fun with this exercise and went on to explain the intricacy of orgasms, both male and female. I felt my stomach lurching again, especially as he was clearly trying to dispel any positive thoughts from the girls’ minds by harping over the fact that guys our age do not last long in bed. I was trying to find other stuff to focus on, like the impending mortal threats that were coming our way, but he kept reeling me back in by using me as an example. 

“Take Jackson, here--”       

“Please don’t.”

This didn’t stop him. “Someone of his anxiousness and stupidity would have no idea how to pleasure a woman. He’s better suited at maneuvering the Labyrinth than the vagina. He proved that earlier.”

“Thanks for that.”

“I can promise you, that the 15 seconds will not be worth it. And that applies to all of you boys.”

* * *

Needless to say, it got a lot worse before it got better. Frank was asked what the best way to prevent teenage pregnancy was, was given the hint that it started with an “A”, and then panicked and said “anal” instead of abstinence. Hazel took a solid 4 steps away from him then and I thought the big guy was going to throw up. Jason, Hazel, and I were then given a nice chat about how if we had children, they would be so powerful that there would be a quorum about whether or not they should even live. Leo asked if it was possible that he would accidentally light a girl on fire mid intercourse. The answer was yes. Annabeth was the only one born of a virgin Goddess present, so of course the majority of her segment focused on “purity” and “clear-thinking” and also the mention of her mother’s intense disapproval.

She’d told me about how her mom already claimed she failed her and I could see her flinch at the idea of failing her further, but then unexpectedly, her gaze turned to a hard steel.

“Hold on a second,” She said angrily, and I knew that look. I’ve been on the other side of that look many a time. She gave me that look a lot in our time of knowing each other, especially when I was being dumb about whether or not she liked me/whether or not I should admit I liked her.      

“What is it, Chase?” He asked gruffly.      

“This is ridiculous.” She snapped. “How is virginity, which isn’t even a physical or tangible thing, something that could possibly increase or decrease my value as a human being?”

“Well…” He started, but she didn’t let him continue. 

“If Percy and I have sex, does that make him a terrible person and me _dirty_? Because that’s how you made it sound earlier.” 

Hearing it point blank like that almost made me swallow my tongue and frankly, made my heart race a bit more than I’d ever admit. 

“Not on my-” He was going to say “watch”, but she pushed onward with confidence akin to when she’s marching into battle. 

“We talked about consent earlier, so clearly you understand the concept of it being my body and my choice at what I want to do with it. So tell me, how is sex more deplorable than going on life-threatening quests that could potentially rip me limb from limb? How is _that_ encouraged, but something that is so biologically basic and innate is considered irredeemable? Do I suddenly become less if I decide I want to feel human every once in a while?” 

“You don’t want to get-” 

“-Pregnant, I know, and you’re right. I don’t right now, but I’m not exactly an idiot. There are ways of preventing that as we talked about earlier. That is all this should be about, though. Preventing pregnancy, preventing STI’s/STDs, consent, understanding the body, etc. Not guilt about a very natural and human experience. Given the lives we’ve lived, I’d say we deserve it.”

My mouth hung open like the hinges of my jaw had broken and I was left with an open cavern for a mouth for the rest of my life. I tried to shy away from Coach’s shocked stare as if to say, “don’t look at me, I didn’t tell her to say that”, but I couldn’t. I agreed with Annabeth, of course, because she should be the one to get to decide what she does. She’s proven herself capable of that more than a billion times. 

I met her gaze while she sat back down and she closed my mouth for me, the smallest remnants of a smile lingering on her lips. Her stare was… hard to read, but I couldn’t seem to stop looking at her. Everyone else seemed to follow my lead, with Jason whistling slightly in approval of her tangent, Piper looking like she wanted to fist-bump her, Hazel smiled cautiously, Frank seemed relieved she shut Hedge up, and Leo looked a little scared and a little aroused.

Hedge cleared his throat as he muttered the words “meeting adjourned” roughly under his breath. Everyone made their move to get away from each other as quickly as possible. We could all probably use a moment to ourselves after that utter humiliation. In the end, Hedge ended up getting the short end of the carrot, so that was semi satisfying.

* * *

 

Annabeth and I walked to our respective quarters in silence and my mind raced on whether or not there was a good thing to say right now. What was appropriate for this moment?

_"Thanks for stopping him before he got to sex toys."_

__"I literally cannot stop sweating right now."_ _

_"FYI: mine isn't the size or color of a small carrot."_

Thankfully, she spoke. However, when she did, I couldn’t have seen it coming if it was right in front of my face.

“Do you ever think of me like that?” It was so rushed and abrupt that I’m not totally sure she even meant to say it.

I swallowed hard, but I knew if I didn’t answer quickly enough she was either going to get offended or annoyed and I didn’t want either right now after she’d basically saved us all from having to sign anti-pregnancy pacts.

“Sometimes.” I tried to make it sound casual, like I wasn’t a horny, sex-obsessed teenage boy that spent all of him time ogling his girlfriend. I definitely ogled at her, but not like she was an object or anything. She’s just insanely beautiful. Truthfully, I always felt lucky she’d have me in any capacity and didn’t really register that she might want me in that way. Also, I’m usually busy thinking about simple things like food or whether or not I’m going to die painfully in battle. But the thought occurred to me on occasion. Like when we go swimming and she’s climbing out of the water in a bikini or when she sits on my lap and wriggles around a little too much.

The time we made out in the strawberry fields and she placed my hand under her shirt made all the blood leave my brain just thinking about it.

“You?” I asked. 

“Sometimes.” She affirmed and looked away and it was obvious in the dim lighting of the hallway that she was blushing again. I couldn’t help but wonder when in Hades she saw _me_ like that, because I’m not exactly smooth. That didn’t mean I wasn’t grateful she did.

“So…” I rocked back and forth on my heels. “You… Want to? Someday? Not today. Obviously not today, but at some point in our lives you want to-”

Thanks, the Gods almighty, because she cut me off from that embarrassing tangent with a kiss. I felt myself relax against her immediately, because she wasn’t totally repulsed by me after both my inability to correctly label the female anatomy or my stupid tendency to make things more awkward somehow. Her fingers threaded in my hair and she tugged a little bit out of satisfaction. My hands found their usual residence on her waist. Her tongue slipped into my mouth and she smiled against my mouth when I inadvertently moaned in response. We stayed like that for a while, her tangling her fingers in my hair while pressing me against the door of my cabin, my hands playing with the loops of her jean shorts, everything seeming impossibly right with the world. 

She pulled back and looked at me through sparkling eyes that danced with a knowingness that I will probably never fully understand or stop appreciating. She gently tapped her fingers along the back of my neck in a light drumming movement. She leaned up and kissed me again, this time chaste, which was probably for the best since Coach Hedge would likely be doing some kind of inspection soon.

“We’ll get there.” She smiled, and I wondered if she could feel my heart doing jumping jacks in my chest cavity. “Soon.”

 _Soon_.

She opened the door to her cabin and winked at me before leaving me to the influx of thoughts that decided to attack my brain all at once, leaving me standing there like a big dumb idiot. I wouldn't even have been surprised if I ended up standing here all night out of shock and... Anticipation? She was always going to be miles ahead of me, but I was more than okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Lowkey hate when people make Percy out to be this really horny dude when he is so content in just spending time with his girl. Like, yes, he'd definitely be down for sex, but it doesn't rule his world in the slightest.


End file.
